Percy Jackson and the Lake of Gross and Scary Goo
by The Nosewalkers
Summary: Percy, having had his first taste of scrumptious Monster Goo, sets out on a quest for more! Accompanied by two oddly matched companions, will he ever find that luminescent and most deliciously terrifying of lakes? What strange lands will he travel through on his way there? Read on to find out!
1. The Quest Begins!

**DISCLAIMER**** - Only the Monster and the Lake are mine. Percy Jackson isn't, sadly.**

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One day Percy Jackson was eating a cheeseburger. As he took his eleventy-fifth bite, a giant gooey mass suddenly appeared out of nowhere and began to undulate menacingly in his direction. In a deep, molasses-like voice, it burbled, "O hai. I can haz cheezburger?"

Percy, being his usual amazing self, said "Of course Mr. Huge Terrifying Monster, I would like nothing better than to give you my cheeseburger, even though it means I could starve to death. Here!"

He tossed the cheeseburger at the mass and it sunk beneath the surface, where it immediately dissolved. But unfortunately, the mass happened to have eaten some antimatter before then and when the cheeseburger touched the antimatter, the mass exploded.

Percy disdainfully wiped the drops monster-juice off his face. Then, he licked his fingers and grinned. "Not bad for a gross, acidic monster. I must find me some more of this lovely concoction!"

With that, Percy went over to the Big House to consult the Oracle and get a quest to search for the legendary Lake Of Gross and Scary Goo. When he arrived the Oracle told him he would find the Lake Of Gross and Scary Goo in a place with many low prices and special discounts. So he immediately guessed It was a McDonalds down the street. Then the Oracle gave Percy a bottle of soda and a burger for the trip. "Do you want fries with that?" the Oracle asked.

"Only if they're made of monster!" said Percy.

The Oracle mumbled a bit and produced a bag of glowing green fries which Percy pocketed gladly. Munching on his burger, he set off on the path towards the local McDonalds, or the Lake of Gross and Scary Goo.

Percy walked down the road by thousands of strawberry fields until he finally reached the town, but there was no McDonald's in sight! He searched the streets for hours until he finally gave up while on a dark, suspicious road when it got dark. At this point, Percy was tired and hungry, but remembered that he had monster fries with him left over from his Oracle Lunch.

He got out the fries and started eating them, walking by the green glowing light of his food, when he suddenly found himself dissolving away and felt his particles flying around in the wind.

Turns out the Oracle gave him fries that happened to be from a radioactive monster and his own body was flinging itself apart into tiny particles. Luckily, Chiron was coming with the party ponies looking for the McDonalds to celebrate his birthday. He saw Percy's particles in the road and swept them up in a dustpan to take back to camp and put through the un-shredder in his office. Once Percy was re-materialized, he was rather upset at finding himself back at camp. Still he took the opportunity to ask Chiron where he might be able to find a McDonald's.

Chiron replied: "My boy, you'll find Death by the Rock of Life. There, all will be well."

Percy tore his eyes away from the gigantic bottle of beer in Chiron's left hoof to consider this advice. "Seems legit," he concluded, and set off once again on his journey.

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**What will Percy find by the Rock of Life? Read on!**

**If you review mine, I can review yours in exchange! Just tell me which story you want me to read, and I'll do it. Because I love you more than Percy loves Monster Goo.**


	2. Death by the Rock of Life

**DISCLAIMER**** - Only the Monster and the Lake are mine. Percy Jackson isn't, sadly, and Death belongs to everyone.**

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Percy rode a motorcycle he stole from a shed along the Yellow Brick Road for fifty seven hours until he came across a huge rock with a sign on it. When he got close enough to read the sign, he saw that it read: "Rock of Life".

"That was incredibly easy," said Percy, getting off his motorcycle to inspect the rock. "Now all I have to do is find some guy named Death!"

Then, like magic, Percy caught sight of an inn beside the Rock! On its door was painted, "If you want to see Death, come inside. If not, then we are closed." So Percy hitched up his boxers and went inside.

A figure in a Dark cloak sat at a table eating a cheeseburger that was remarkable similar to the one Percy had eaten earlier. Percy could see through the black cloak that the seated person was very thin. Percy cleared his throat and said "Yo, what up, dawg!"

The cloaked figure turned slowly towards Percy, revealing a skull with two shining glass eyeballs where its head should be. "Soooo hungry..." moaned Death. "Everything I eat just falls right out again!" He opened his cloak to reveal that his body was that of a skeleton. Pieces of Percy's cheeseburger lay on the chair he was sitting on in between his thigh bones. "I can't even eat the Monster fries!" he wailed. He sank onto the table, crying tearlessly for he had no tear ducts for tears to escape from.

"Aww! Don't worry, Death!" Percy cried, running over to where he was sitting, "I'm on a quest for the wonderful Lake of Gross and Scary Goo, and anything that amazing has to cure fatality. If you help me find it, we can cure your skeletalness **and **satisfy my hunger for monster goo!"

"OK" , said Death, raising his skull much more happily. "Just let me pack my things."

"You don't have anything," said Percy. "Just your bones."

"Oh right," said Death. "My lack of a brain made me forget."

"Well, come on" said Percy. "We don't have all day".

The two of them left the inn and set off down the Yellow Brick Road again.

After walking for an incredibly boring week, Percy realized that not only was he beginning to look a little skeletal as well, but he had also forgotten to ask anyone for directions. He looked around. Tumbleweed blew across the cactus-dotted desert landscape. He had the sinking feeling that he was the only living thing around for miles. "Death," he said slowly. "I think we're lost."

Death just groaned at him. "Sooo... hungry..."

Percy ignored him in favor of having a panic attack.

After running around for several minutes, Percy noticed a large yellow ball with purple lights spinning around it was hanging in the air above him and Death. This could only mean one thing.

"ALIENS!" screamed Percy, as he dashed off in the direction he and Death had come. Before he had gotten very far an ominous shadow appeared, followed by a whirlwind of dust.

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**Oh, no! A whirlwind! What's inside it? Death? The Aliens? A big fat goat? To find out, read the next chapter of "Percy Jackson and the Lake of Gross and Scary Goo"!**

**If you review mine, I can review yours in exchange! Just tell me which story you want me to read, and I'll do it. Because I love you more than Percy loves Monster Goo.**


	3. The Clue of the Slug

**DISCLAIMER**** - Only the Monster, the Lake, and the Slug are mine. Percy Jackson isn't, sadly, and both Death and the End of the Universe belong to everyone.**

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The whirlwind was carrying within it a majestic puce slug. The slug said, "I hear you need directions. Keep going another 10,000,000 light years down this road and you will reach a signpost. It will tell you the next part of your journey."

"Sure thing," said Percy. "Come on, Death, only 10,000,000 light years to go!"

"Good," said Death. "I was getting worried we weren't going the right way."

Then, Death reached into his pocket with a skeletal hand and pulled out a huge, purple rocket ship. Percy gaped at it for a few minutes before scurrying onboard. "Fasten your seatbelts," said Death. "This thing is going into hyperdrive!"

The purple space ship took off and hurtled through space. Percy looked out of the window, but all he saw was darkness. They were going far too fast for light to catch up. "Uh, Death, my man," he said. "How're we doing this without gaining infinite mass and imploding?"

"I thought you were supposed to be kind-of stupid," said Death.

"I am. Pickle," said Percy.

The rocket ship sped toward the End of the Universe, gaining speed and plastering Percy and Death to the engine. When they finally arrived at the signpost indicating that they could go no farther, the majestic puce slug once again materialized.

"How could you possibly have gotten here so quickly?" it asked.

"We are magical," replied Death, seeing as Percy was too busy trying to make a salad to answer.

When Percy finished the salad, he promptly inhaled it through his little toe, bowl and all. Death was very surprised to see this, and decided it was time for a nap because he must be suffering sleep-deprivation hallucinations. The puce alien slug took a nap too. And Percy sat there doing nothing for the next week grinning like a lunatic.

Eventually Percy roused himself and put on his serious face. "Hey! We're not at the freakin' lake yet!" he exclaimed. "We are more sidetracked than... than... sidetracked people!" He poked Death and the slug awake with a pointy stick, and then pointed the stick at the slug again. "Right, mister slug. Who are you, and why have you brought us up here?"

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**Who is the mysterious slug and what are his motives? Find out in the next chapter of "Percy Jackson and the Lake of Gross and Scary Goo"!**

******If you review mine, I can review yours in exchange! Just tell me which story you want me to read, and I'll do it. Because I love you more than Percy loves Monster Goo.**


	4. Nico Appears

**DISCLAIMER**** - Only the Monster and the Lake are mine. Percy Jackson isn't, sadly, and Death belongs to everyone. ****And technically, I guess I was lying about the slug. He's not mine either, really.**

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The slug dissolved into a pillar of mist and rematerialized as Nico di Angelo, who was laughing his butt off.

"I can't believe you fell for that! Turning into a physics-bending slug is like the oldest trick in the book!" laughed Nico.

Percy launched himself at Nico, intent on destroying his face, but crashed into a brick wall. Pulling a pick from the shadows, he broke through the wall and pinched Nico's nose off.

"Got your nose," Percy said. "Just kidding, dude. Here's your nose."

Nico put his nose back on with a scowl. "Well, there's the signpost, let's go to the Lake of Gross and Terrifying Goo." So the trio walked off into the sunset.

As they walked, another post appeared before them. It said, "Sorry, the Lake is still another three days of walking. Please pardon the inconvenience."

"Oh no", said Death "Now we need to walk more... and I'm soooo huungryyyyy!"

"He's not going to eat us, is he?" whispered Nico to Percy.

"No way!" said Percy. "He's really nice."

Nico looked dubiously at Death, with his black cloak and clattering bones. "What's his name?"

"Death," said said Percy, smiling. "Cool name, huh?"

Nico nodded, but didn't take his eyes off Death.

After another day or so of walking, Nico had come to the conclusion that anyone with a name like "Death" couldn't really be so different from his father. So Nico had learned to put up with him.

Finally they passed a sign saying they were less than half a mile from the lake, but unfortunately the Rainbow Road they had been on ended and all that was ahead of them was empty space. Percy, of course, immediately jumped over the edge, because the lake was half a mile away and the only way they could go was down, so the lake had to be down.

Nico and Death jumped after him, assuming Percy would scream if anything truly terrible were below, at which point Nico would shadow-travel away and Death would do nothing, since he was already dead.

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**Will our heroes find the Lake at the bottom of the chasm, or are they royally screwed? Continue on to the next chapter of "Percy Jackson and the Lake of Gross and Scary Goo"!**

******If you review mine, I can review yours in exchange! Just tell me which story you want me to read, and I'll do it. Because I love you more than Percy loves Monster Goo.**


	5. The Secret of the Giant Squid

**DISCLAIMER**** - Only the Monster and the Lake are mine. Percy Jackson and Nico aren't, sadly, and Death belongs to everyone. And I guess the castle and the squid don't belong to me either... Nor does the Coca-Cola Company.****  
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As they fell into the abyss, the trio talked about how much of the Goo they wanted to eat. Four hours later, they were getting bored of falling and consulted a map that they found falling with them. It wasn't a very good map of the abyss because it was a blank sheet of paper, but it served its purpose. They figured out where they were in the abyss and realized it was endless. So Nico shadow-traveled them back out. "Well, that didn't work," said Death.

Then the Holy Grail materialized in their in front of them, and the Hallelujah chorus played loudly in their ears. The Grail then burped out a piece of paper giving them the password to the secret Rainbow Path that could led them to happiness.

They ran down the path with glee, but happiness turned out to be a Coca-Cola factory. After drinking a large amount of the bubbly fizz, they asked the manager for directions to the Goo. He was all too happy to oblige.

So, they set off, for what felt like the million-bajillionth time, on a road through a strange forest. The road itself was strange, as it had a sort of rail running through the middle. "I think," said Nico. "That we may get hit by a train at some point." Percy punched him in the head to shut him up.

After a day or two, they arrived at a station. Behind the station was a kind of pony path. Also, there was a lake with several small boats moored up by it. The three decided to take a boat, so they got in. The boat set off across the lake. Soon, a huge castle came into sight. "Let's go there!" shouted Percy.

Unfortunately, as they drew up close, a whole bunch of children in robes on the turrets began to shout, "Dementor, Dementor!" Some of them pointed sticks at Death and threw silver, shiny animals at him. Death moaned a little bit and tried to eat the animals, causing them to tangle in his ribs and vanish. Percy steered the boat away from the castle again.

While they were rowing back across the lake, the boat they were in suddenly rose into the air, turned into a submarine and dove underwater. It sailed into the murky depths until it touched bottom, where there was apparently an air bubble, because when Percy predictably opened the hatch, nobody died.

The trio got out of the boat and stepped into the deep gooey mud, to be greeted by a parade of jellyfish swimming just outside the bubble. Through the parade there came a giant squid, dressed in a suit to welcome the travelers to the lake.

"Oh, Squid!" wailed Percy. "How shall we ever find our way to the great and delicious Lake of Gross and Scary Monster Goo!"

The squid said, "Go exactly twenty zillion gigaparsecs to the east and find the statue of me. My tentacles will be pointing toward a set of railroad tracks. Follow them. Do not stray from them, don't turn around and whatever you do, DON'T BLINK. Blink and you're dead."

"Why?" asked Percy.

"Because then something terrible will happen."

"Seems legit. Let's go, gang!"

So They Did, heeding the words of the Giant Squid.

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**Now that they've got directions from a real live monster, will they finally find their way to the Lake? Find out in the FINAL chapter of "Percy Jackson and the Lake of Gross and Scary Goo"! READ ON!**

******If you review mine, I can review yours in exchange! Just tell me which story you want me to read, and I'll do it. Because I love you more than Percy loves Monster Goo.**


	6. The Lake At Last!

**DISCLAIMER**** - Only the Monster and the Lake are mine. Percy Jackson, Nico, and the "I LIKE TRAINS" boy aren't, sadly, and Death belongs to everyone. As do SI Units such as a "gigaparsec." And Michael Jackson belongs to his mom.**

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The Trio did what the squid said and walked twenty zillion parsecs east. There, they found the tracks. The first thing they saw when they got to the tracks was a boy no older than twelve. He stood in the middle of the tracks and yelled to the heavens "I like trains!" And a train promptly appeared from nowhere, smashed into him. He flew past the trio into the darkness, along with the mysterious train.

Death smiled happily. "Yum." he said.

Nico and Percy exchanged confused glances, but decided not to inquire.

They walked along the tracks through fields, over mountains across rivers and only stopped for a rest when they reached a gloomy forest. So far they had avoided looking back, but Percy will be Percy, so he decided to see how much progress they had made.

He was immediately picked up by flying monkeys and carried off to Oz.

"Oh no!" said Death, and began to not-cry again.

"Eh, he'll be back quicker than pimples on a teenager," said Nico.

The two continued on their journey. As Nico had predicted, as soon as he and Death had cleared the forest, Percy was dropped by the flying monkeys, who were muttering something about a "foul taste" and "unicorns".

The trio walked on. Twenty zillion gigaparsecs is a long way to go on foot. But they continued. They saw many strange things but managed not to blink or look back. Death was getting hungry again. So were Percy and Nico. They found a lunchbox with cheesedogs in it, so they ate those as they walked.

At 10 zillion gigaparsecs, they found a gigantic river. Nico could shadow-travel across but the rest couldn't because Nico was too tired and out of energy. Death decided to raise a small army of minions to form a bridge across the river, and so the trio kept going.

On, and on they walked, past the edges of the Universe, into a parallel one, and then back into their own. And then finally, when they had lost all hope, they stood on the edge of a cliff on an unidentified planet and looked down.

"It's... so green," croaked Percy.

"And gelatinous..." wheezed Nico.

"Could it be...?" Percy murmured, looking sideways at Death.

Death said nothing. He merely took a step forward and fell, silently, into the green, gelatinous goop enveloped Death, covering his body in slime, which immediately turned bright red. When Percy poured some water on him from up above, Death was once again squishy and humanoid. Looking down, they finally saw his true self: Michael Jackson, Percy's long-lost uncle! Fully restored, Michael then proceeded to devour a cow that was floating serenely in the green stuff.

Percy and Nico exchanged glances of delight and threw themselves into the green. They had indeed arrived at the Lake Of Gross Terrifying Goo!

Percy was still holding the lunchbox. He filled it with monster slime, which he then drank. "Mmmmm... this is wonderful! I think I'll just live here for the rest of my life," Percy sighed contentedly.

"No need," said Nico, "We can just teleport the monster goo back to camp!"

"Ok, me and Uncle MJ will walk back to camp, see you there."

Nico said, "This might be a bit tricky."

"Why is that?" asked Percy.

"I've never shadow-traveled 400,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons before."

" You don't look that fat." said Percy, poking at a wobbly bit on Nico's tummy.

"It's not just me," said Nico, pushing away Percy's prodding finger. "It's the Goo."

"Ok, then. I want to watch," Percy vocabulated.

Nico mumbled some words in a Klingon-Huttese language and he and the Planet of Goo disappeared.

"Well, come on, Uncle MJ. Let's walk back to camp" Percy said as he floated in Space.

And so they did.

And for the rest of their lives, they revelled in the Monster Goo. It was all the campers would eat. Everyone got really really fat and began to glow slightly in the dark, but it was worth it. They had found what they most wanted in life.

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**THE END!**

**We hope you enjoyed our story. If you did, please consider leaving me a review! And as always, i****f you review mine, I can review yours in exchange! Just tell me which story you want me to read, and I'll do it. Because I love you more than Percy loves Monster Goo. ****Which is, as you have seen, a heck of a lot.**


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